tombuchanan

I AM IN LOVE. WITH MY WIFE. LOVEKjrljsdfkljasf;asjofiwriotkjskdfjskldfj

In-chat the other day:

Gatsby:  Tom!
Me: O hai gatsby.
Gatsby: Since you're so adverse to my living with you and Daisy...you're absolutely right! I cannot stay in your house any longer!
Me: Oh you mean it Gatsby?!!! Hmph, I knew you'd come around!  After all it was your fa--
Gatsby: That's why Daisy will live with Me~!
Me: whut.
Gatsby: After all, she did say that it was your fault, and well, I disagreed...but everyone knows it's your fault anyway.  In any case, she's offered to nurse me back at my mansion. You know, the one with the pool. and the bedroom.
Me: And the gay shirts.    What was that last part Gatsby?
Gatsby: Hm??
Me: Nothing.
NO. You can't take my wife!  This is an abomination. Ridiculous.  I went to Yale you know! SHE IS MY WIFE.
Gatsby: S'ok Tom, she'll be back within the month. 


What the hell am I supposed to say?!
I NEED FEEDBACK. PLEASE HELP ME LIVEJOURNAL.
Control my dating sim LIFE.

I have a serious confession to make.  I think I'm becoming quite upset over it.  Very.  What happened recently is something that I do not know if I can bear it or not.  I saw the knife the other night and contemplated.

It was time to end this.

The other night:

"Tom, how would you feel if Gatsby were to move in with us??

"Why, wonderful!"

"Oh do you really think so Tom dear?  You're so brilliant! I'm blinded!"

"Oh I know! Gatsby can just scrub the floors for us and make our breakfast and fetch the paper and polish my shoes and the--"

"No Tom.  What I mean is, as a guest."

"G-guest?"

"Yes as a guest.  Since you hurt his leg and all!  Don't you think you owe him?  We'll treat him to a lovely house, mint juleps, booze, and he can look at all of your achievements!"

"Owe him?! Owe him what?"

"His leg Tom."

"Well who asked it to be in th way.  My leg hurts.  Gatsby bruised it the other day when he spilled hot water on it! He ought to be treating me!"

"Silly thing, why was your leg in the way then?"

"Wha--"

"Anyway, he should be here any minute."

"But-"

"I knew we could depend on your opinion Tom! Thank you!  Rarely, you can be so smart!"


Dear LJ:

Nobody loves me.  I saw the knife and I decided to just serve the man cake and that was it! He can't live here anymore! One more slice of cake and then he's OUT.

But then I saw Daisy's angelic face and then I knew.  That she would have sided with Gatsby staying here and then call me unreasonable.

Sometimes.... I just CAN'T WIN.

I have got a confession to make everyone.  It's a bold confession.  It's one that might change myself forever.  It might even make me scornful and bitter.  Don't worry, my marriage won't be.  Of course.  Why would it?

I hate Gatsby.

Gatsby Gatsby Gatsby Gatsby Gatsby.

All he ever talks about is the war, money, love, romance, the color pink, my wife, men, rich men, swimming pools, dresses, women like Daisy, twinkies, booze, infidelity, disloyalty, cheating men, Daisy, Daisy's eyes, ways how he could get more money than I could never...bastard.  My wife, DAISY DAISY DAISY.  Why not about me?  Or of how dazzling I am?

There's other stuff too.  I'm sure it will get back to me.  I mean, how limited can a conversation get?

Just a few weeks ago the Devil wouldn't endorse my new plan to sell this nice line of steels.  She said that my stocks were way down.  Now, I don't know if we were looking at the same chart but...if you looked sideways it was perfectly astounding!! She should have been thrilled to be in the graces of Tom Buchanan with the most quickly rising stocks ever!  I'm sure she'll come around.  She was talkin' about Gatsby too.  Jerk.  Gatsby's a jerk.  I hope he has an accident with the stairs. 

Oh and you know what he did to me?  He shook Daisy's HAND.  They look so chummy together that I couldn't help but reflexively stick my leg out to interrupt him!  Serves him right.  My leg was just a little numb so I just decided to stretch it.  No shame in that right?  Well, Daisy rushed to Gatsby's side and started touching him.  Dressing his wounds!  There weren't even any wounds to dress...or undress for that matter!  So Daisy's firmly scolding me for "tripping" Gatsby--whatever that means--and tells me that poor Gatsby is hurt badly enough for him to stay the night!  She starts to roll up his pant leg and has ice water brought over and starts dabbing it with her monogrammed hankerchief.  The one I bought from the finest linen cloth maker with our initials on it!  Daisy starts to baby Gatsby and he's just howling in pain!  She says, "Oh does it hurt darling??"  He says, "as long as your angelic hands are caressing me softly and tending to my injuries..I can survive another day to adore your grace my Sweet..." 

...Or something like that.  My adult sensors started and altered a few of the words.  But that's the full truth!! Can you believe it?  So he spends the night!  All because he was not smart enough to dodge my foot!!  Where is the justice in this?  I'm lying in bed next to my Wife and then.  THEN I roll over to embrace her and smile in her lovely face, but instead I get a disgusted Gatsby opening his mouth wide open!  I felt as if I were in a nasty psychological drama where Gatsby is actually my wife!  Thank goodness the real Daisy screamed when she realized I woke up for some reason. 

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE,"  I asked calmly.
"Why, he's still badly wounded, Tom, dear.  I wonder whose fault that was?"
"I'm hurt."
"WELL WHY--"
"What might happen if poor Gatsby would roll over on his side and fracture something of his?!  He's a fragile man you know. "
"I'm fragile."
"WELL. WELL. HRHMMMMM."
"Oh silly Tom if you wanted some privacy there's the guest room down the hall.  Perhaps you will feel more at ease there?"

Anyway.  GATSBY GATSBY GATSBY.  All he ever does talk about are boats, and and and women, and Daisy, and balls, and his stupid parties, and daisies.  He's not a very educated men like me you know.  I have such a wide range of topics that I am quite knowledgeable about.  I am a Yale graduate you know.  Unlike Gatsby. 

Nick said the oddest thing today.

Nick:  Gatsby is a God among men.

PFFT.  What does that even mean?  Sure, he's got style in that somewhere pinkish outfit of his.  When I was a young kid, do you think we got off on devilish good looks and hot money? NO.  We got there by hard work and tenacity!

Flashback: In an affluent house somewhere...rich.

Papa Buchanan: Son, you know what life is all about?
Tom Buchanan (five-year-old; less hotter; pre-pubescent vers.):  Hard work, perseverence, and...love?
Papa Buchanan: NO. Have I taught you anything? It's about MONEY MONEY MONEY.

Anyway, I've come a long way since that time and I've learned many things.  Why, just the other day Gatsby showed me how to bang.  The rifle sure was heavy.  OH, and get this this: My wife, Daisy, told me as if it was common fact that Gatsby taught her how to bang!  The nerve of him teaching how to bang before me! How dare he teach her.

I HATE MYYYY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFEEE.

Today, I had heard of some man named Gatsby having wild parties...

Oh wait, that's my usual hell.  Everyday, I've been seeing my Wife associate herself with the new West Egg  "riche" Gatsby.  I come home from a bit of work and see her consort with the man!  He's in my home!  Of course, I behaved like the perfect gentlemen.  I even offered him a cigar.  He refused, the jerk!  I set my glass down on the table.  Get this, he pulled out his own coaster and sets it on the table and then moves my swarvorski glass on top of it!  What in hell's name is a brand like "D&G FOREVER" doing on a beverage coaster anyway?!  It's certainly not a brand I've ever come across!  More importantly, why does he have one?  These mysterious questions continue to plague me.  I hope that I can find the answers soon. 

As I gaze at Daisy's lovely hands, I remember how I had taken those dancer hands in mine and asked her to marry me.  It was lovely day.  I even remember my face that day.  I was wearing Men's Chanel no. 5. Did they make such a thing?  Oh no, probably not.  That scent must have been me then. Anyway, Daisy was beautiful, as usual.  She had been girlishly laughing until I came into the room.  She must have stopped to admire my commanding prescence the moment I walked in.  I do have great sex appeal you know.  Oh, how I went to the best jeweler in town to craft that weddi-- wait a gosh-darn minute.  Where is her ring?  I don't recall seeing it on her left hand today... ah well, I'll ask her about it later. Anyway, she paused for the longest time.  That takes true love right there.  She probably couldn't believe that she was going to marry a stud-horse like me.  I did graduate from Yale after all.

Daisy had cried on our wedding day.  She was so overjoyed at my proposal still.  Even up to our wedding was she still crying!  I mean, I am such a deal. 

Now... things have been different.  She hangs out with that Gatsby all the time.  She even makes him mint juleps!  How come she doesn't make me mint juleps anymore?  "Gatsby said this... oh Tom, Gatsby said not to do that... he's got great sex appeal Tom, dear."  Gatsby. Gatsby! Gatsby, Gatsby, Gatsby! The line went somewhat like that.  I wasn't really paying attention about she said about Gatsby.  All I could focus on this afternoon was Gatsby's smirking face! Was he smirking at me? Is he-- THAT JERK. He is hitting on ME.  This realization has hit me.  He's using poor Daisy to get to me!! Well, I won't let him get me. It makes sense now.  How could I not see it sooner?  This Gatsby fellow has been attempting to seduce my wife to get to me!  The looks, the smirks, his constant staring!  His intense gaze at Daisy's face and figure to anger me into a reaction!  He enjoys it!  Why else would he have a ready-made coaster in his coat pocket?  His PINK coat pocket!

Yes, that's it.  Well, I won't let him harm Daisy no more!  He's still coming to our house on Monday for some lessons.  Daisy loves his lessons.  Poor thing-- she doesn't know that he's trying to get to me through her.  Not surprising though, I do have great sex appeal.